Natural Disasters Have Quadrupled in Two Decades
Sunday night I was sitting down to check my e-mail when I saw something on the front of Yahoo News about natural disasters quadrupling in the last twenty years. The article sounded interesting so I decided to click on it and read it, but to my disappointment all it talked about was how global warming was the reason for this. This really pissed me off, I am kind of sick of global warming being the reason for everything.
Jim: My fries are cold.
Joe: It’s probably global warming.
This needs to stop! Why haven’t scientists really examined the root cause of the problem? Why haven’t they come forward to explain the real cause? Because they don’t know. They throw out this voodoo science and don’t give a sound explanation for the cause. Well today I am going to set everything straight.
Do you want to know the cause of the increase of the natural disasters?
Hillary Duff
Before you scoff and discount what I am telling you, think about it.
Hillary Duff is twenty years old, this trend has occurred over the last twenty years… coincidence? I think not.
Sure, I know you want more proof… Let me give you a time line of events.
1988- Armenian quake- Duff begins to teethe and gets really pissed off and cries throughout the night. The Armenians suffer her wrath and they return the favor by giving us the Armenian Comedian.
1991- The Perfect Storm- Becomes potty trained and leaves her first massive wrap around, at the same time George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg get lost at sea… wait that didn’t happen to them?
1991- Eruption of Mount Pinatubo- Throws temper tantrum over her sister stealing her favorite doll. Hmmm, you don’t think this is all adding up yet?
1993- Great Midwestern Flood- Her first day of school, she cries for hours about leaving her mother. The poor farmers of the Midwest suffer and billions of dollars of damaged is caused.
1999- 7.4 Earthquake in Northern Turkey- Made her debut in the Soul Collector which started her career and led to Turkey feeling her excitement when Duff jumps up and down about landing her first major role. When Duff jumps the whole world shakes.
2003- California Wildfire- Starred in Agent Cody Banks, a horrible movie that almost torched her career. Get it? Torched…. I am such a fucking hack.
2004- Tsunami in Southeast Asia- Lizzie McGuire goes off the air, mass destruction reigns. Come on, how could this not be any clearer?
2005- Hurricane Katrina- She stars in Cheaper by the Dozen 2, the movie was so bad she had to wipe out the entire gulf coast.
This also doesn’t take into account that every time she gets her period there is a flash flood somewhere… She has a heavy flow apparently.
I think that this time line clearly demonstrates I know what the hell I am talking about. So the only thing we can do is kill Hillary Duff and see if the natural disasters continue to occur. I mean it is for science right?
So who is with me on this?
This is going up at Humor-Blogs.com
On 11/27/07 at 8:02 am
said:
Kill off someone ugly instead. If they wanted us to like them they’d look better.
On 11/27/07 at 9:09 am
said:
I don’t know about the Hiliary Duff theory, but I am with you on the “let’s blame everything bad on global warning” excuse. It seems to be the cop out answer when the nerds of the world can’t explain something.
On 11/27/07 at 9:23 am
said:
Yeah I agree.. the whole global warming thing is getting over the top.. Not everything is attributed to Global Warming. I think the marketers and businesses are starting to see that sustainable living is a very profitable business. People are willing to spend the extra money if it helps the planet.. but because of this.. Global Warming is being pushed all over the place. So they can sell you more crap that’s dubbed “Eco-friendly” or “green”
So again, the real message has been pushed aside for profit. It’s like taking 10 steps backwards. Instead of talking about Global Warming, I think people need to start taking actions. I am tired of hearing about it too.. and I run a damn green blog. Don’t give us theories.. give us concrete solutions to stop or minimize the carbon impact.
On 11/27/07 at 9:30 am
said:
You republicans are so stupid!
On 11/27/07 at 9:34 am
said:
i blame alcohol for everything.
unexpected child support bill….alcohol
burning sensation during urination….alcohol
crushed front end of the car…alcohol
the incredibly ugly girl that looked fantastic the night before…..well, thats just bad luck and a total lack of judgment.
you get the idea…
On 11/27/07 at 9:37 am
said:
Which one is more believable? Duff theory or global warming. Both lack long term study, but I’m going with the Duff theory. Simply put if you kill her off, it would be one less celebrity that I don’t have to think about when I’m putting together one of my top ten list. You know “top ten celebrities you what to see in a sex video involving a donkey punch.”
On 11/27/07 at 9:52 am
said:
I’m too tired to respond with something that makes sense and I blame it squarely on global warming.
On 11/27/07 at 10:03 am
said:
I don’t know about Hillary, but I do know my wife has caused many problems in this world including WWII even though she was born in 1952, kinda an omen thing!!
On 11/27/07 at 11:54 am
said:
And to think that when I had my first wrap around, Disco was killed.
I’m so insignificant.
On 11/27/07 at 12:47 pm
said:
I wonder if it has anything to do with her giant teeth?
On 11/27/07 at 12:53 pm
said:
So what happened when she made “Cheaper by the Dozen” the first movie. That was a real toad.
I think the warming trend is because of her clothing line and make-up stinks, really it stinks like your poo.
On 11/27/07 at 1:29 pm
said:
I agree with your statement on the Calif. Wildfires. I remember it well. We got evacuated from our house and on the way to my aunt’s casa in Lake Elsinore, my cat Deja decided to pee on my back. Now, I know that hundreds of houses burned in the fire, but cat piss stings.
On 11/27/07 at 5:15 pm
said:
thank you, i needed to read something like this today, my company is in the process of going “green” so i have to listen to stuff about global warming all day long. i think i might bring your valid argument to the meeting i have in about 20 minutes.
wish me luck on not getting fired!
On 11/27/07 at 5:36 pm
said:
Totally unrelated but….there is an ad right under your blog that says “Child Poverty. The top 5 sites for Child Poverty. Compare, Choose, Buy!”
WTF???
On 11/27/07 at 5:42 pm
said:
Hilary Duff is a hottie! Or shez a hawty, yaomean cuh?
On 11/27/07 at 6:36 pm
said:
I’m glad you’re a comedian and not a voodoo scientist.
On 11/27/07 at 7:25 pm
said:
Hey this makes just as much sense as global warming except that Hillary Duff is not making money on it like Al Gore.
On 11/27/07 at 8:04 pm
said:
I think you are on to something…LOL
On 11/27/07 at 8:15 pm
said:
the fact that someone here took offense to your theory makes me weep openly for the world.
scratch that- it’s proof that the world should require a license before they can breed.
On 11/27/07 at 9:33 pm
said:
But she’s just so pretty in that picture. And her boobs are so pointy. She can’t possibly be the cause. Maybe it was when Britney started singing. That had to be about 20 years ago.
On 11/28/07 at 12:49 am
said:
So why else where his fries cold…. HMMMMMMM, exactly. But fuck it kill the duffster anyway.
On 11/29/07 at 3:59 pm
said:
she hasnt made a porn yet, dont kill her so soon